Live life the DIR way

[Cavern Junkie]

In case anyone of you have not already seen this.


"I converted to DIR about 6 months ago and I have found that the
philosophy extends way beyond diving. I think most people tend to
view DIR as a gear configuration or diving objective type of thing
but it really is a philosophy that you can use in other parts of your
life. For instance, below are just some of the ways I've extended the
DIR way of doing things into other areas of my life.

Last week some of my buddies came over to my house. Now, not all of
them are divers but they do understand the DIR philosophy. So, first
off, we all drink the same beer. This avoids any situations where you
might be enjoying a lager and accidentally pick up an ale (or the
other way around). That can be very uncool. That could quickly lead
to a panic situation so we avoid it all together. We also drink only
from cans, no bottles. And we never put the beer in the refrigerator.
It always goes in the ice chest in my living room. 47% of Drinking
Related Incidents (DRI) occur when someone is going to the fridge for
another beer so better to be safe than sorry. Of course, this is all
rigged up while we're still 100% sober so there's no impaired
judgment once things get cooking.

All of us wear a bungee necklace with a full beer on it just in case
someone experiences an Out Of Beer (OOB) emergency. I can offer my
already opened beer to my buddy and simply reach down and grab the
backup off my beer necklace. And, without exception, we always use
the 7-foot hose on the beer bong.

Of course, we don't stay in every night so when we do decide to go
out we make sure we're still DIR. All of us wear exactly the same
clothing:

Levi's 501 Jeans (button hole, straight leg)
Gap Black T-shirt
Haynes boxer shorts, black
Gold Toe socks, black
Kenneth Cole shoes, Brad Bitt style
G-Shock watch, black band
Nylon belt, black, with military buckle
Black Leather Jacket (optional, depending on weather conditions)

This may sound a bit silly or overdone but believe me, when you're
penetrating a night club, knowing exactly what you buddies are
dressed like can make all the difference in the world if you're
hoping to snag some hottie. Let's say I see some cutie and just
before I get up to go talk to her a waitress spills a drink in my
lap? No problem, because I can always swap pants with my buddy. I
don't have to worry if they match, because I know he's wearing Levi's
501's. Bam, swap pants and I can still complete my objective.

One thing to keep in mind about nightclubs is that you seldom want to
penetrate a club on beer. I know, some of the macho jerks do this and
brag to all of their buddies. Believe me, it's not DIR. You have to
do it on mixed drinks. Obviously the mix will be different on
different nights but a good vodka tonic mix is pretty standard.
Again, there's a right way and a wrong way to do this. You can't just
order any old vodka or depend on some bartender to get the mix right.
That's what the strokes do. No, you order Stoli vodka, which has an
excellent reputation in the DIR partying community. The correct blend
is 2oz Stoli with tonic water poured over ice in a highball glass
(lemon or lime optional). I always bring a testing kit with me and if
the blend is off, I send it back. It's just not worth the risk and
it's not DIR.

So you penetrate the nightclub and you've got a good mix, now it's
time to meet the ladies. I should have said this earlier but watch
your drink consumption. It's a well-known fact that women look 25% -
30% better in a nightclub and if you get all narced up on vodka
tonic, it increases your chances of a coyote ugly blackout. You have
to keep your wits about you.

If it's early, you probably have pretty good viz. Later in the
evening when the smoke silts up the room it'll be harder to make out
the women on the other side of the club so get your headings early.
On a few occasions I've had to bust out the wreck reel just to get to
the bathroom and back.

If you are lucky enough to hook up with a nice hottie, this is when
doing it right really can pay off. Now, let's face it, there's a
certain degree of danger involved here that I don't want to downplay.
You need to minimize your risks by using the proper equipment. I
carry 2 condoms. One I put on . . . well you know, and the second I
put on a bungee that goes around my waist. If there's a malfunction
on my primary, I can quickly go to my backup without skipping a beat.

So, as you can see from these pretty basic examples, DIR is not just
for diving. It's something you can use in all areas of your life.

[Chris H]

This is funny. Gert posted it as a tension breaker in an earlier DIR discussion.

[Cavern Junkie]

oops I didn't realize it was posted here before.

[FreediveWI]

I, believe, that it was orignally printed in Dive Girl magazine a few years ago. They also did a pretty funny piece on Freedivers.

Someone posted it to the freediver list at one point in time and a few people got all worked up over it, but since they have no sense of humor to begin with they don't count. I thought they both were pretty funny as written.

Jon